Taken FoR a RiDe

Am I being taken for a ride?

I remember there was one day, probably a month or two ago, I was really feeling very very down. The kind of feeling I experienced on that day was one which I had almost never in life been through. I was so sad, feeling so cheated. So cheated of my feelings, of my time, my effort and my soul……………… I could feel my heart racing, and when it finally slowed down, it felt so heavy. I was on the verge of crying. There was so much repressed emotions inside of me and I just wanted to let it all out.

Then I messaged FireBurn… asking him out for a drink that very night. He agreed and we went Wala Wala. I drank and drank and I poured out all my sorrows and pain…. It din’t really made me feel much better. And for the first time in my life, I broke down in the middle of the road, at the carpark of Holland village. It was so embarrassing. Think FireBurn was stunned. Probably to him, I’m such a strong character and this wouldn’t be happening to me. But it DID, all because of a man.

Thinking back about what had happened, there’s still a sour taste in my mouth but I kinda let it go, until today. Actually what happened was that I saw a few sms on Jeepo’s hp which created a whole lot of question marks in my head.

Is he cheating on me?

Is there another person in his life?

Am I really such a pain in the ass to him?

Is he leaving me?

………………………………………………….

After that incident, I kinda withdrew a little.. FUCK man, I’m not even his girlfriend for goodness sake. Why should I place myself in such a miserable position which causes myself so much hurt and pain? Fuck it la. Not until today, I was in his car, Then his hp beeped. A sms.

It was from Mina. The one whom he exchanged funky sms with and I discovered on that fateful day. He din’t reply. So I asked him why. He said he was utterly disappointed with this person, so dun bother. Then I probed further about what had happened. I know my arse itch again. But I really wanted to know. For all I know, he may be saying a pack of lies again!!! So he said something like, there was once he saw her with this other guy behaving quite intimately and he felt like shit because, to him, it’s like what is she trying to prove?? Then he went on and explained that Mina had once said she’ll not want to get involved in a relationship blah blah blah, and now??? FUCK la, as if now she gotten a new beau, you bother lor! Not unless you feel something for that person, if not why do you have to react so ‘violently’ towards the issue of whether anot Mina has gotten a new beau???

Jeepo denied the charges.

He said that it’s because he dint like his frenz to ‘say one pattern, then do another pattern’ im like FUCK YOU. You yourself always say one pattern, do another pattern also wad. And to top it off, at someone else’s expense!!!! IceQueen just couldn’t understand why he has to react in that manner when Mina dun mean a single shit to him??? There must be some feelings attached somewhere along the line, that’s why he’s behaving/reacting like that isn’t it?? So I went on and said.. probably you had spent time and effort exchanging day-to-day sms (in which you do not do just for a normal fren) over a period of time, or even probably meeting up with this person and not knowingly or maybe even knowingly, you had developed some feelings for this person. And so after knowing she kinda ‘ditched’ you for another person, you felt sucky and that explains the behaviour. I dun think anyone would react in this manner for just a normal fren.

He went silent for a while…. And he denied the charges again…..

Whatever

IceQueen is so dejected… for a split second, the images of what happened to me, the emotions I went through on that fateful day just flash-back in my mind. I asked myself : “so whatever I read in the sms is true?” IceQueen is dumb enough not to heed FireBurn’s advice and opinion about the issue. He told me that Jeepo must be taking me for a ride. But I chose to dismiss that, telling myself im the one who over-reacted that day. In the end, it back-fired. FireBurn was probably right……………………………

SCREWED UP………………….

"I Don't Want To Get Hurt"

In everything I see you appear with me, how come? How come?

And everything I do involves you too. We are like one.

In my life there has been so many changes and I don't want to be left out in the rain

I don't want to get hurt, I've done my time.

All I want from you is to tell the truth.

I don't want to get hurt no more this time.

I don't want to go blind and find it's falling apart all the time In the middle of a dream you are there for me, your face, your lips.

But there's no way you can tell cos I hide it really well, so well.

In my life there has been loving and lying and I don't need another reason to cry

I don't want to get hurt...

I don't want to go blind and find I'm falling apart one more time.

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