The Upcoming Anniversary

Turning back the clock to June 2008...

I was a happy girl, waiting anxiously to start my new job and thinking this will probably be the best job in my life (or at least so far). It wasn't long that I begin to see the ugly truth, the ugly politics and start to understand why would they want to employ a person with no relevant relavant in the industry. It's because I am cheap labour. Sometimes I can't help but to compare myself with a bangalah worker. Being cheated into a seemingly good industry, good job, good pay.. but boy I was wrong. But once you step foot into it, there is no turning back. Getting out too fast will not bring me anywhere, getting stuck in the whirlpool is just making me go crazy. The kind of political mind game is just too torturing. And the worst is I am just a small fry. So small that I can't even shout out when I'm being annoyed, feeling injustice or cheated and betrayed. All the work of one woman. Maybe two now, since a year ago when she became honcho of the department.

Don't mess with women. How true.

Over the past few weeks, I had toyed with the idea of moving out of this industry totally. But the devil in me is telling me not to. It's been a dream for me since my school days to be where I am. Now that I am here, I am totally confused. How ironic. People close to me tell me to be grateful that I can land myself a job with no relevant experience. SO don't complain. BUT. The truth is, we are all greedy in nature. We want more, we want everything. Is it wrong? I'm grateful, yes I am indeed grateful for being given this opportunity. But that doesn't mean everything. That doesn't mean that she can toy with me and my feelings and cheat me and test me. Where is the trust between superior and subordinate? None.

I'm so tired. Tired of thinking and being reminded that I am some cheap labour that is being exploited of.

Where do I go from here? Will I stay till the upcoming anniversary?