~1031~

It’s a freaky number.

Yes, this number so happens to denote the day and month I’m born.

I dint really take notice of this number until one day many many months ago when scarli told me that it’s becoming more and more freaky that she keep seeing this number appearing before her, whether is it the time or anywhere else. I dint really dwell into it, until it occurred to me as well.

Time after time, this number 1031 just keep appearing! It’s like sometimes you just glance at the corner of your pc screen at work.. and the time shows 1031. it is that precise. It will not be 1030, 1032, 1033 or any other number. The time on my hp or in the car.. it always catch you when you aren’t thinking about it.

Recently this phenomenon is on the ‘high alert’ again. Just earlier, I was at scarli’s house checking some stuff on the computer and I caught that number on the pc AGAIN! On Friday morning, I caught the same number on my pc screen in office….. shucks this number is haunting me and her. Everytime I’ll tell her, hey look it’s telling you to plan a biggie for me on my bday since it’s reminding you day in day out! haha

Sometimes, when I think dark….. this weird thought just pop in my mind that is this a sign? Will I die on my bday or will I die right at the hour 1031? Or will something happened some year on this day?

I’d never buy 4D on this number.. anyway it had never ‘open’ before also.

I do believe in signs.. Like twitching of the eyelid… feeling uneasy for no apparent reason… it’s an instinct thingy. It’s funny how and why it’s happening but it does. Sad thingy is most of the time it signify something bad is happening, and it usually is the way.

Whenever I day dream I’ll ask myself, Why doesn’t my eyelid twitch on weekends, probably it’ll signify that I’ll be striking 4D!!! hahaha

p.s. Scarli, you should know what to do this 1031. *evil laugh* I’ll send you my wish list soon

24hr Notice ~ Goodbye

The time has come.

The Bitch in my office is given the axe. It was a drama mama day. Was out for site visit earlier in the morning, and was only back in office around lunch time. When me and Hunch were back in office we saw Bitch in her room, packing up her stuff. So we thought it was just routine cleaning up of her room. Then we went down for lunch. But when we were back in office, her room was already super clean. All documents on her table was gone and it was only her laptop left on the table.

We knew something was wrong. Then she left the office. After much speculation and gathering of information here and there from reliable sources, we found out she was given the 24hr notice to leave.

We were all shocked.

We knew that something dramatic is going to happen some day soon, but never expect it to be this soon. For the past couple of weeks, she had been pretty quiet and she dun seemed to be in a good mood. Even the old man cannot save her. It was quite bad. It must be something really big time for the management to give someone of such a position 24hr notice to leave.

It was her last day today. She was informed of the bad news yesterday. Also received news that her pet, eyeshadow amateur cried when she knew that her boss was dismissed. I really do not know whether am I supposed to be happy or sad for Bitch. Initially, I was really happy that finally she’s gone but I think my heart went out to her after what happened at 4pm this afternoon. I was downstairs with Hunch, accompanied her to pay her bill at AXS machine and I saw Bitch walked past us. We made eye contact. So I smiled at her, she smiled back. That smile of hers was never seen, at least by me. There was no air whatsoever, instead her smile was so helpless. It’s like instead of giving the sinister smile of ‘wad do the two of you think you are doing here during office hours’, it was the ‘hi’ smile. For the 1st time, I thought she looked quite sweet with that smile.

I think a person really need to go through something major to even change that ‘aura’ that one carries along. She was back in office only at 6pm. If I were her, I think I also no ‘face’ to stay in office. I rather go downstairs and walk around or what. It’s just too embarrassing. Her reputation in this industry is gone. Wonder how is she going to tell her husband and family why she’s out of job suddenly. It can’t be that ‘oh they dismissed me because they found out that I’m having an affair with the CEO and it’s getting a little out of hand.”

And the freaky thing is that I dreamt that she resigned last night!!!!! Although it din’t exactly happened that way, the end result is the same. She’s leaving.

I kinda having mixed feelings about the whole event. I duno what’s installed, what’s next and how things are going to be like in future. But I do hope that it’ll relieve some of the unnecessary stress and nonsense me and my team are facing now. At least I hope it’ll be all about work now, and not using rank and authority to force us to do things.

Anyway, I do wish her all the best, despite that I call her Bitch and still thinks that she’s shameless.

Goodbye, Bitch

Remember, What Goes Around, Comes Around.

It’s TRUE.

Time

24 hours a day - 7 days a week

How do you spend your day?

I met up with ET for dinner the other day and was having this conversation about having too much things to do in life. It’s funny how everyone has the same amount of time each day but some people can live a more fulfilling life than others.

Priorities? Or plain laziness?

ET was telling me of his many many hobbies…. The many committees that he joins, the number of clients he has to meet, the number of events he has to organize for his frenz and the ever-increasing number of wedding he has to help out in….. it seems that he is always on the move.. always so busy with something…… The reason he cited: he cant sit down and do nothing………

Hmmmmm…

Well I guess everyone has a different perspective in life… Some people (like me) just like to laze my day away….. Best is to be a tai-tai… Go have high-tea.. Play mj…. Go shopping…. Yes I know… Dream on right? I am a SLAVE remember? Fuck..

I wish and pray that I have more energy everyday.

To have the energy to move on and do more things each day. At 6pm everyday, from Mon – Fri, my mind will automatically tell my body to shut down… and I’ll be so tired……Probably I’m tired.. but not that tired……. But somehow, my bird brain will transmit the sleepy bug to every freaking cell in my body and cause it to be filled with lactic acid and eventually….. I just feel like going home and sleep…leaving me with no more energy to do anything else………….. Duh…

On weekends, it’s a waiting game…….. you’ll just have to wait for that phone call or sms from your frenz to jio you out.. if not, will end up being a couch potato at home… sleeping your weekend away…………………

Am I getting old? Or am I just too boring a person?

There are so many things that I want to do.. but somehow I can’t find the energy and zest to do it… Something is probably wrong with me!!! Help!!!!!..

Take for instance, 9th storey was asking me if I’m interested to join kickboxing, starting next month…. Initially im like super enthu abt joining.. and even told her that in the event that she decides to go for it, rope me in… and when she really did, it’s me the idiotic ass who backed out.. I also duno why. There are so many I’m afraid(s) :

- I’m afraid that I’ll waste $$$ and skip classes
- I’m afraid that I do not have the determination to finish the 3 month course
- I’m afraid that after spending $$$, it din’t help to tone my abs


Feeling very very restless these days…….. Just dun feel like doing anything………………………. Seems like nothing much can spice up my life kinda feeling…. Been telling myself to just go with the flow everyday… just live my bloody life…..dun think so much and everything is going to be fine…………….

* forcing a smile *

Melting Away

“You are Icequeen but you seem burning hot and also starting to melt, commo take it easy and relax, you can fuck the world and anythings but not your own life, it's within your control, look on the bright side, find the happiness and joy in work, your life will be better, yes everyboby has a daily routine, doesn't mean it can't be change, right”

Was reading this comment a while ago.. find it pretty meaningful, in one way or another… Thanks, lau hero…

Well, life may or may not be in one’s control… Some people choose to control their lives so much that, they begin to lose control. While others are still trying hard to find out how the fuck to control your own life.. Complex?

What I’m driving at is that often times, we are at the mercy of others, events, or situations.. Human have emotions and many times, it is human emotions which play us out eventually… that we succumb to the feeling of sadness, loneliness, frustrations, anger and feeling unwanted…… The way out is probably to deal with the onset of things happening… But how to, easier said than done… There are so many types of people around:

Duno how to say no type
Everything also say yes type
Everything also duno type
Scared of this, scared of that type
Blur sotong type
MCP type
Selfish type
Arrogant type
Self-Centered type
Bossy type
Over-friendly type
Bitchy type
Bimbotic type
And the list goes on…………


Which type are you?

There is no one special concoction to use when dealing with different types of people. I believe the way to go is to treat one and all equally, with your heart, to the best of your ability..

It’s very hard.. it’s like an uphill task.. If not there wouldn’t be something called biasness or favoritism…..

Yes, I’m starting to melt…… inside of me…….. because of the rage and fire within…

But

On the outside, I’m Freezing…………. I begin to figure that it’s not worth talking to idiotic people…. Wasting my time to make small talks with boh liao people… so too many I’m still cold……..Shucks… I’m going into hibernation again………. Into retreat mode……….. into my own world……….. starting to shun away from human….. just want to be alone…. Alone in my world… to find peace and calm………….

“Be fair to yourself,
Be fair to others”

The Meaning of Life

What is the real meaning of life?

I truly understand what is meant by survivor of the fittest. Because in this cruel world, only the strongest in terms of physical, mental and emotional will survive. For those poor pathetic souls like me, we’ll just have to dwell on how terrible and bad life can be. Probably people like me aren’t ready to accept the things that are happening around us. Or perhaps, we are not equipped with the right frame of mind, right angle to see things, the right perception to deal with events. Maybe it’s just me.

A typical day of the Working Adult
- Wake up
- Go Work for the Sake of $$$
- Get Screwed at Work
- Swallow ALL the Unhappiness
- Go Home
- Face Family Problem (if any)
- Face BGR Problem (if any)
- Sleep
And the cycle continues………………………..

A typical day of the Retired
- Wake up
- Go for a Stroll in the Park (if weather permits) cum breakfast
- Go Home
- Nap
- Lunch
- Yak on the phone / Chit Chat at the voideck with 3 gu 6 po
- Go Home
- Nap
- Dinner
- Watch TV
- Sleep
And the cycle continues……………………….

Doesn’t sound too interesting isn’t it? It is definitely not interesting. It’s a sad fact that we live for money, work for money and it is money which makes the world goes round. I used to believe that even with little money, as long as you are happy, it doesn’t matter. But I guess I’m wrong. Afterall, we are all chasing after the lucrative incentive/perks that money can buy and offer. So what if you have a happy family? So what if you have a good bf/husband? Without money, you can't even buy the basics in life that is required to live. So how can you be truly happy? NO WAY.

This is Life.

There aren’t many people who are able to work for the sake of living and money and at the same time enjoy what they are doing. 90% of the time, we do not enjoy what we are doing for like 5 days a week, 8-10 hours a day…… It’s tragic, but we still have to go on. Why? Is it because everyone is doing the same? Or are we people living in the cosmopolitan city being somehow forced to behave in such a manner?

I admire those who go all out to pursue their dreams. It’s no easy feat. And the fact that they took the 1st step is brave and worth the respect. For me, I guess I have to be a slave forever. A slave to the world, a slave to $$$. a slave to everyone.. including myself.

Everyone holds a degree known as B.Sl a.k.a Bachelor of Slavery.

This had been the topic in office within my dept for the week. We the backroom slaves are at the mercy of the frontline heroes. We have to obey their orders and it’s getting a little too personal, too much and going out of control. We are at our absolute limit. And we are about to declare war on those assholes Marketing Officers!!!!!! Fuck.

Hai…….

The Beginning of The End

This is the beginning of the end.

Sometimes I just feel that life really sucked. That feeling is growing more and more intense by the day. And I’m getting scared. I’m afraid that I may do silly things, be a loner, or just be a dumb and be so alone.

Some people say, Stress is part and parcel of life. To be exact, it means : “Stress is a universal human experience that involves a complex interaction of many variables.”

Nonsense!

Human experience?? More like torture, isn’t it?? I wish I can get out of this. Too much stress causes anxiety, malfunction of the brain, tiredness, frustrations, irritability etc etc etc. It’s all about negativity, so how on earth can it be an experience?? Experience sounds more positive than negative to me. Or is it that I am one pathetic soul who simply cannot handle stress.

Everyday I question myself, why am I doing this, why am I doing that… Is it all worth it to do this, or do that. At the end of the day, me being the dumb ass, will still do it… Sigh… Of so many things that I do for others, did I get anything in return? Or is it that all that I had gotten is hurt and pain and misery to myself? Maybe I shouldn’t be even looking at getting anything back in return, because in reality, that does not happen. I’ll be contented, to just feel appreciated for all that I had done. But more often than not, the feeling of being taken for a ride gets the better of me.

Fuck man, it is as if im suffering from some mid-life crisis kinda shit. Arghhhhh.. Somebody help me…………..

I just wanna get away from all these shit………………..

Why Is Pain A Way Of Life
When Everything Seems Gray
When Everything Falls Thru’

Why Isn’t The Pain Going Away
When Everything Is Blue
When Everything Seems Like It’s Here To Stay

Why Am I Facing Pain
When Everything I Do
When Everything I Say
Wrong, Misery and Suffering
Why Me?